
And so, despite the fact that I am seated in a cushy lounge chair near the pool at a lovely resort in Kauai, life is still upon me. I had no illusions that time would stop or there would be a brief window of ultimate peace while I went away and, to be honest, I am relieved to be contemplating my challenges in such a glorious place. During my younger years, I would have been honestly surprised that coming to such a place for a vacation wouldn’t instantly put on hold any angst or difficulties I was experiencing, but I know better now.
Dear Kari, so much here to respond to and so I'll be brief. Be gracious to yourself with regard to Lola. This sounds trite–but Rome wasn't built in a day and many, many builders needed to do the work.
With regard to your mom, again be gracious because you are not the savior of the world. For most of my life I felt I had to have the answers. I had to step in and save the person and the situation.
Then someone pointed this out to me and used the term "savior syndrome" and I realized that was true.
I've become such a better listener since I stopped trying to always have the answer. Previously, I listened with divided attention–one part of my brain poised to hear the words, another part planning what I could respond so as to solve the problem.
Now I've found that most people appreciate the listening fully and are able to find their own answers. Often I would underestimate the ability others have to find those answers. No more.
Peace.
You are so very aware of your children's struggles or potential struggles. It is a gift, even though it may frustrate you that you don't have the solution for prevention at all times. I think that once they fully realize your empathy and understanding, they will realize how important that alone is and always has been. This understanding fits for your mom's situation as well. You are wise to be supportive from a distance, while allowing yourself that border.
Anne Lamott nails it again!
More Aloha. Less of everything else.
Say hello to the islands for me! Take yourself for a walk on the beach–and one of those umbrella drinks (with or without firewater). Aloha nui.
Your little one is lucky to have parents that recognize her needs and honor who she is. I hope you all had an amazing vacation!
I love the honesty of your posts, of your reckoning with your life, as it is. I found the paragraph about NOT being with your MIL the most revealing and wise — thank you for articulating those thoughts and how you "got there." I can extrapolate them into my own life —
I love the wisdom in your words, and the peace that comes through as I read. I think one of the best things about vacation is the heightened perspective it gives us on so many things. Love the Ann quote. I've put off getting the book, but I think it's time. I hopes the rest of your trip was wonderful, and that your homecoming was, too.